Excuse Generator

About the Excuse Generator

How to use it

1. Pick what you need an excuse for.
2. Press New excuse until one fits.
3. Copy it, send it, and then tell the truth anyway.

Funny excuses for being late

1. My alarm clock and I are no longer on speaking terms.
2. I got stuck behind the slowest walker in human history.
3. I was on time, but time was not on my side.
4. My cat sat on my keys and refused to move.
5. I had to wait for my coffee to decide if it wanted to be coffee.
6. Traffic was so bad I finished a whole audiobook in the car.
7. I was early, then I got distracted by being early.
8. My GPS took me on a scenic tour of every red light in town.
9. I couldn't find my other shoe. It was on my foot.
10. The elevator stopped at every floor like it was sightseeing.
11. I stopped to help a lost duck find its pond. Long story.
12. My phone updated itself at the worst possible moment.
13. I was mentally here on time. My body just took the long way.
14. I got into a staring contest with a crossing signal and lost.

Excuses for not doing homework

1. My dog ate it. Then my cat ate the dog's alibi.
2. My printer ran out of ink right when inspiration struck.
3. I finished it, but my laptop decided to restart for updates.
4. I did it in a dream and forgot to save.
5. The wind took it. It is probably in another country by now.
6. My little brother turned it into a paper airplane.
7. I was so focused on learning the material that I forgot to write it down.
8. I left it in my other backpack. The one I don't own.
9. The Wi-Fi went down and took my motivation with it.
10. I accidentally turned it in to the wrong class. They loved it.
11. I spilled juice on it. It smells amazing but reads terribly.
12. It's done. It's just saved on a computer that currently has no battery.

Excuses to get out of plans

1. I'd love to, but I already have plans with my couch.
2. My social battery is at 1 percent and I can't find the charger.
3. I'm washing my hair. All of it. Individually.
4. I promised my plants I'd spend quality time with them.
5. I'm in the middle of a very important nap.
6. My horoscope said to avoid leaving the house today.
7. I'm babysitting my neighbor's goldfish.
8. I'm waiting for a package that might arrive sometime this week.
9. I have to reorganize my sock drawer by emotional value.
10. My blanket and I have a prior commitment.
11. I'm on a very strict schedule of doing absolutely nothing.
12. I accidentally started a nine hour documentary and I have to see how it ends.

Funny excuses for work

1. My calendar double booked me with a meeting about meetings.
2. I was on mute the whole time I was being productive.
3. I'm waiting for the file to sync. It says three to five business days.
4. My laptop picked today to install 47 updates.
5. I thought today was Saturday. Emotionally, it still is.
6. The coffee machine is broken, so technically I'm not operational.
7. I got locked out of every account I own in the same morning.
8. My internet provider is running an experiment on my patience.
9. I'm deep in a spreadsheet and can't find my way out.
10. I replied to that email in my head. Very thoroughly.
11. My chair broke, so I've been standing for the company ever since.
12. I've been in a meeting that could have been an email since 9 a.m.

Excuse Generator FAQ

Will these excuses actually work?

Probably not, and that's the joke. They're meant to make people laugh, not to get you out of trouble.

What is the best excuse for being late?

The truth plus an apology. If you want a laugh first, try: I was on time, but time was not on my side.